The Boxer Vs The Farmer

The opening season of the 2013 King’s Men calendar is turning out to be one of the hottest in recent memory.

A schedule that includes more Noize than there has ever been was put together to shake the cage of even the greatest of champions.  To be the Kingsmen who stands on top of the podium come the end of Summer is to be the one who possess the ultimate combination  of  pedigree, commitment, determination and one hyper-extended pink sock.

The last two rides have been absolute record smashers on many fronts, with Kingdom bests, PB’s, skiddies, monster performances and stiffies all around

Much has been made of the King taking up residence in the Eagle’s nest, feeling very secure in his Green jersey, penning his three hour acceptance speech as we speak…but anyway, enough stories about the B-Team…..

Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier, Holden and Ford, Fed and Rafa, Bloods and Crips, East Coast and West Coast, King and Eagle, Bert and Ernie – some of the great rivalries of all time – none of which compare to the Battle Royale that is taking place between these two TKM engines…..

The incumbent. The double defending cup champion. The full time Noize specialist. The Boxer.

The Chunk. Quadzilla. The people’s hero. The next generation. The Farmer.

Only a handful of points separate them with plenty of rides to go…..WHO WILL TRIUMPH????

To get some insight into what goes down in the battle for YELLOW, we spoke to the Farmer in part 1 of ‘CUP FEVER’…….enjoy…..

Farmz, thankyou for joining us in the plush surrounds of Club Clinger, for the first edition of ‘TKM Cup Fever’. Speaking of fever, sorry about the smell – I couldn’t get a booking anywhere else at short notice…please forgive me

Hey Crack, that’s no problem - riding with TKM for the last couple of years has made me accustomed to the stench of filth.  Club Clinger is, in my view, a Holy place and I can’t think of a better venue to be talking to you, a sub-par performer, than right here.

Thanks for your support. You are certainly looking fit at the moment, perhaps in the best shape of your career in ‘TKM green’ to date?

Look, I am in pretty good shape right now, but it’s an improving Farmz you see in front of you.  I started off the season a little undercooked, or rather, a little over-roasted, having not long come back from my attendance at Doglets wedding in Hawaii.  I smashed the buffet like I’m smashing Noize, I also recovered well after my Melbourne to Warney effort.

I have been feeling better and better each Noize and tuning up my Noize condition so definitely in the best NOIZE condition of my career.

Congratulations on that Warney effort by the way – 62km is not an easy gig in anyone’s book.

Talk us through the training block leading up the Summer season that has seen the quads expand to never before seen levels…

Well its been a mixture of psychology, intensity, hills and diet.  Coach Woody and ProSmax have really been encouraging, providing advice on training sessions and approach, when to ride when to rest, who to ride with, etc. In exchange, I’ve listened patiently to countless tales of Pikey weddings, Caravan innovations and sub par musicians from one, and on the other side, agreed endlessly that motorpacing is where its at, who REALLY has no idea, debated endlessly A and B team scenarios all the while being reminded that Safety is paramount.

Separate to that, as an innovation, to really understand the Noize mind and physiology,  I’ve taken some disappointing cyclists like Teh Ghost and Teh Candyman under my wing to experiment with them and various training techniques, clearly some ideas  work and riders have responded whilst others have… well...

In terms of training, I’ve ridden with almost all Kingsmen, I’ve been graced by Granduke Postie’s fine calves down at the peninsula, I’ve been run through the meat tenderiser by your good self and the passive aggressive Beaver, I’ve been dropped on hills by Garbo and the Pimp, I’ve been paced up the 1/20 for 750m by the Eagle and the Fly. Teh Camel has got serious with me.  But I must say I’ve missed Norms, Sherps, Doma and the King, amongst many others that were away living their own lives.  I almost rode once with Teh Clinger and have listened intently to Teh Batter for any pearls of wisdom he’s dropped.  I’ve even read almost all the way through Goosey’s emails. Most kingsmen have played a part.

Much has been made of the Boxer’s recent domination of the Cup – your thoughts on his form? Can’t he be stopped?

Look, whatever I say here, people are going to think I’m being harsh, trying to get into his little, overly-sensitive mind.  But I tell you, that’s not my style - I’m more in the Ranga Llama camp, very nice, kind to all (unfortunately I’m not as freakishly athletic, but luckily much less Rang).

So right up let me just say Boxer is a little c**t.

But he is tough and super consistent...not just with his personal rankings...again and again he puts himself in the box and hurts himself more than most.  He’s tenacious and strong, but weird.

In terms of form, Boxer is at the top of his game, he wants another cup victory  - to get to 4 and I’m assuming longer term he’s targeting one more than Eages.  So he is focused, there is no doubt about it, and he’ll do it at any cost. He openly told me before the cup started that he was going to get on the “JUICE” for 10 days.  I got my boy Fly to try it out for a bit (always use domestiques) and he said it was pretty intense, the impact on his physiology meant he could only last half the time.

So he’s prepared well and started the season super-strong - issue/opportunity is I can see he’s plateaued and I’ve gotten stronger as I’m coming into form so its going to have to be Autumn for him methinks.

There is no denying that the Cup is often won and lost with the help of alliances within the Kingdom – the odd hammer drop in front of a rival from a trusty domestique, or a strategic half roll from an adoring helper – WHO have you recruited this season?

It might be easier to say WHO isn’t on my team.  Kingsmen love to see a new champion.  From the likes of Teh Dongle and Teh White Digger, through to Teh Caboose and Teh Arse Rash, they’re all on my team.

Tuesday will see yet another Full Noize – the 5th in a row – are you fatiguing or going in the other direction and getting stronger with each beating?

Mentally and physically I’m starting to come into my own. 

Granted, it is with some reluctance that I acknowledge more and more how committed and determined you have to be to go hard for a cup and to win one.  All those guys, Eages, Woody, Boxer, Smax, Rabz, Fly, Sherpa, Doglet, Llama, Butcher (apologies if I missed someone) like those before really is very impressive.  HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT CARROTZ IS NOT IN THIS LIST???

It’s not just rolling up and going hard and its not just trying to beat the guy next to you in the rankings.  You have to do that of course BUT if you have a day when someone else has a strong day and wedges in between that’s a 4 point swing – i.e. I was 8 points down after the first two noizes because both Boxer and Rabz were too strong for me.  Then if you really screw up, and get a 6 ranking then its season over...

BUT I’m getting stronger, I’m on a roll, there are PLENTY of noizes and a TT to come for me to get well in front.

How did you fare in the infamous poo-fest that was Thursday morning? Your long-time ally, the Smackie, was out to do some serious damage, causing many a past cup winner to go deep into the locker.

My goodness, what an EPIC day, that big boy went berserk, the only rider who I thought looked nonplussed by the whole affair was my mentor and great mate COCO aka Teh Spy.  He asked me later if it was a Daisy Day or a Wildcard. 

Everyone else smacked it hard - Big BRX reckons he only rolled a couple of times but they were big Rolls.  Even the Dozer paused from a family tweet and found himself in struggleville, only of course to come back strong as only a guy with funny facial hair can. Even the Chicken looked like he was in trouble at one stage until he got that little TT wobble going, BVR sweated, the PIMP responded though.  Candyman was lucky to be on my old Trek and recovered from his dropping two days before...he’s one to watch for the future.  (Side note: I was asked the other day if we were similar athletes as kids I said yes, very very close, similar commitment, passion, played the same sports, obviously same genetics, only difference I could pinpoint is I was just 25-30% better than him, so who knows one day he may be in yellow and I’ll be supporting his campaign.)

Can you talk us through what you think it takes to rise to the top of the TKM pile? (Other than being able to spell and speak coherent English)

Well, looking at myself, I’d say passion, commitment and consistency, hard work, sacrifice – not just by yourself, but your family as well.

Looking at the others, I’d say you need to be bipolar, selfish, unattractive, irrational and narcissistic...actually that’s just to get into TKM.

Oh, and you have to be ON THE GEAR, no doubt about it, in my opinion it would be impossible to win a cup without chemicals and blood doping and the support of administrators.

Good luck for the rest of the season and may the force be with you.

Thanks – remember a vote for CHUNK is a VOTE for HUMANITY