Open the Gates - part two !!!
To my loyal followers,
It is with great pleasure that I again call out from the top of my tower, that the gates be lowered to let through yet another Random who has completed his long voyage from the slime and the bottom of the pond, all the way to the gates of The Kingdom.
As we all know through our own experiences, the journey to the gates is a long and hard one. Let me say that phrase again, as I like it. Loooooong and haaaaaaaard. So long and hard, that most are unable to take. Yet there are a chosen few that are able to suck it up and endure the pain, as they experience the process by which they are drained of everything they once were, knowing that in the end it is all for the best.
We now have another Random whose journey has now come to an end, and a new journey awaits.
Random Brett came to the foothills of the Kingdom through the esteemed passage of the Comer brothers, who together, are some of the most solid foundation stones of the Kingsmen. Both have had the taste of success, and failure.
Although the Brothers Comer may have been what set Random Brett onto the path of greatness, he walked that path alone, and was shown no bias by his outside brothers or from anyone else from within. He was made to sit on the outside of the circle at coffee, The Kingdom laughed at his Random kit selections and numerous POTA's. The King was simply so disgusted by the whole package, that he quite simply refused to acknowledge his existence and wondered how on earth this insignificant twig would ever be fit for purpose.
Random Brett continued his long journey and continued his POTA ways, gaining little traction or respect along the way. Occasionally sharing a word with other Randoms or the weaker Kingsmen who often let randoms slip a sentence or two through the cracks. But generally he was on his own, hearing and seeing the happiness from within the Kingdom from afar.
But a glimmer of hope was realized, when on one Wild Card morning, Random Bret managed to staple himself on the back of the train and get that sweet taste of his own asshole in his mouth as he went beyond the red zone and all the way to the brown sign. At that stage there was no turning back. His past life was over and his future life lay ahead. He was in the danger zone of no man's land. He was homeless. Belonging to no family. Nothing to lose.
Then finally a step forward. An event greater than all others appeared on the horizon. The TKM Road Champs. Like an unfed dumped puppy, Random Brett watched the King, hoping he would throw him a bone. And then it came. The King took out the bone and gave it to him, and for Random Brett it was the greatest feeling he had ever experienced. An invite to the TKM Road Champs.
The King gave Random Brett the handicap he deserved. None.
By stage 3, Random Brett was 1 day and 6 hours behind the leader and unlikely to finish before sunset. Some suggested he be given a last minute reprieve so as to not finish with the crickets that night. Random Brett rejected this suggestion and for the first time The King looked sideways at this Random and acknowledged what he just saw. For Random Brett that sideways glance was like the hand of god lifting him from the pond and onto the shore. It was time.
That night The King summoned the Kingdom together to vote and looking for 20 approvals from teh Knights, it got down to the final vote of The Farmer to decide his fate. To this day we don't know what under the table deal was done, but it was enough to get that final ay of approval and from that point forth the Random had become an apprentice.
Over the space of 11 rides, Random Brett successfully completed all apprenticeship requirements as set out in the Kingsmen Constitution, including a final ride last week that saw him on board the Noize train. And now the journey has finally come to an end. All that is now required is for a Knighthood and our newest addition to walk through the gates.
So having just recently summoned the Lords to the table for a similar task, The King knew that the Lords would be drained of all imagination beyond the normal baboon level they already had and unsurprisingly it was an mess of an event and The King was forced to kick them all out of the round room and take matters into his own hands.
So..... The King thought long and hard.
What do we call this man? What do we call a man who arguably skipped the cue due to his connections on the inside? What do we call this man who has been forced to put his tail between his legs many a time after being POTA? What do we call a man however whose pedigree tells us that with a little focus and a few k's he is capable of jumping straight to the front of the peloton. What do we call a man who is so dazzled by the Kingdom's headlights that without consequence he headed straight for them? What do we call a man who loves bush? What do we call a man who is part of a Comer plague locally but outside of the Kingdom's borders they can be found nowhere else? What do we call a man that a Farmer would describe as a pest? What do we call a man who in his past family was the eldest and most senior but now arrives as a new child? And finally what do we call a man who is majestic, proud, an emblem of the place in which he resides and someone who is bound for success?
Again, The King's mind put aside the champagne, the dancing girls and the dogs ass that normally clouded his mind and the angels began to sing as it all became clear.
From this point forth, by the power vested in The King by The King, Random Brett shall no longer be known as such. He shall be known as The Roo Boy! Or as is commonly done, shortened to Roo, Roosy, Kanga, Hops or anything else that Smax my see relevant or relevant.
So again I ask for the gates to be lowered to allow The Roo Boy to walk the final steps of his long journey to enter into the Kingdom where all of the joys that lay within await inside for the Roo Boy to enjoy. So come forth my young disciple and pick the fruit that has been so lovingly grown over our deep and rich history. It will be the sweetest taste that has ever passed your lips.
Now close the fvcking gates because there are two other dirty Random vermin who are trying to sneak in that have yet to earn the right!!!
In what is TKM tradition I now ask The Roo Boy to step forward to the email dais and say a few words of thanks and gratitude to The King and all of The Kingsmen for this gift of life that has been given.
Lady and Gents....
I give you The Roo Boy