the raccoon

Before the entry of The Skunk, The Raccoon was the newest member of TKM.

After a very long apprenticeship as a random, his time in the wilderness was only ended after King tired of the incessant begging from The Farmer.

As many do in their early days, Raccoon was usually gettiing POTA very early on, but now regularly hangs on and has even been known to throw in a big roll late in the game from time to time.  EDIT - Coony is now a regular towards the front of the train...WHEEEOH!

Could amount to something....time will tell. 

The Skunk

Skunky hails from the house of Go-Go.

Remarkably normal considering some of the other creatures that have spent time at Grocon...King Carrotz, Pro-Smax and DS Woodrow, with cameos from Normatronic. How does this company function??? 

Skunky holds his own in the rear carriages of the Noize train, but sometimes drops his BIG WET BROWN LOAD on the tarmac. Given that his legs appear to belong in the World Tour, it can only be his heart that is at fault. The King shall see to this.

Murmurs have started amongst the HoP MtP regulars that this man can climb......

The Baker

Currently in the Phillipines...fortunately not allergic to Penicillin.  Brother Butch has won the cup.  Brother Convict has won the cup.  The Baker doesn't give a shite and is hung like a donkey.  The Chinese phonebook.

The Biggle

James Bigglesworth touches down occasionally to grace the peleton with massive turns of speed on twitter. If his performance on the bike was matched with his quick thumbing on social media we would be looking at a perennial cup winner. Sadly Biggles lets his social, work and home life interfere with the only thing that really matters in life, TKM.

CEO of Krammer Enterprises.

The Garbo

Came second in the New Zealand judo championships. First place went to a sheep after he was penalised for groping.  Podium placer at Noize and has only just started to rev the engine.  

The Candyman

He was Adopted as a child. He has no brothers in TKM, only family.

Ticking timebomb both emotionally and as a cyclist...about to explode 

The Beaver

Unfortunately there are no GC points for 'most enthusiastic' otherwise The Beaver would be in yellow - a hard-training 500km a week man.  

Coming into some form as a Noize rider but once over 100 clicks his real strength starts to show and you will find youself deep in the locker trying to hold his wheel.

The Winter 2013 Cup sees this man fighting an intense battle with The Farmer  - both of these gents would love to add a yellow band to their jersey - only time will tell which of them will triumph.

As for points for being funny though...currently sitting last in GC

The Crack

Loves a bit of Beaver. His girlfiend suggests he has the body of a 12 year old boy - King has noticed this also and plans to do something about it.  Leaves nothing out on the road.  Rides hard.

The Jester

Jester wrote his own profile.  The King deleted it and replaced it....

Huge unit weighing in at 135 kegs.  Original member from 2006 and yet to hang onto Noize.  

Went awol for 3 years but is back bigger, literally, than ever.  

Same bloke.  Same performance.  We missed him.  

The Snow Man


Prologue Specialist! He yells a lot, but nobody knows what he is saying.  Hard to imagine but even more emotionally unstable than the Bogan of Perf!

loves stupid smiley faces  :( 


The Loose Moose

During Noize, big Moosey swings more than Stealthy.  He is either smashing off the front or blowing up at the back, followed by another gigantic roll to the front.  

The Fisherman


I'm not allergic to peanuts, why do people keep asking me that? World reknown lead-outs of 70kmh down the runway! Former domestique in a continental semi-professional cycling team.  


The Laughing Camel

The Camel has the lowest humour threshold of any man alive, and as a result, provides good validation to the Jester. 

Still has his dolomite savings account, yet he sold the pencil case in '88 and invested it - now it is worth $120.  

He loves a good chat whilst riding up the wall in the big ring with his gigantic quads. 

If the King ever has to provide a sacrifice to the gods he will choose this man.