Open the gates!
This is your King speaking. All bow and suck my toes.
Enough of that. It tickles.
Many moons ago, a dirty rabid ridden Doglot approached me and mumbled something about dish licking, pal, I hate Eagle, bullshit SMX is pro, I have a mate.
I had heard it all before other than the last comment. King was curious.
Along came the mate. Seemed pretty normal. Almost a good bloke. However, being a mate of Dogolot he was commencing from a low base and King treated him appropriately.
Weeks turned to months and months started to turn to years. Or at least that is what it must have felt like for this Random on the wrong side of the walls. But he remained calm and patient as he was aware that this would be the case.
6 months into his campaign and King refusing to acknowledge his existence until he finally asked what this Random's name was. Jordy was the response. King turned into a gold fish and immediate forgot and continued to ignore.
But the pressure mounted as this Random proceeded to slowly flirt with other King's Men who were lured in by his lovely ripped and smooth runners calves. He was building his solid base of support for his assault on the Kingdoms walls.
But The King set a trap for the young player and spoke his initial words to this Random. "So....what do you do?" he asked. The inexperienced one responded with "running and a few triathlons". Bang! King dropped the social hammer on him and reverted to blocking all communication and acknowledgment.
Random took another approach. Receiving advice from the wiser Lords it was recommended he distance himself from the wrath of Dogolot and his egg and spooner possies and become a cyclist. It was a good move.
Random continued to nuzzle up to King on rolls to Mordy, hanging on every word he said, as he slowly drained himself of all the evil that resided within in preparation to be re-filled with King goodness. He was excited by the thought and dreamed about it each and every night.
Time marched on and finally the tide began to turn and King could see the canvas appearing ready for another masterpiece. Support for the man grew amongst the Kingdom and after the long yet appropriate wait the Random was close to being ready and his soul was ready for the taking.
The King finally called it. He sought for 20 recommendation from the Kingdom and in record time the numbers came flooding in and it was formalised. Qualification had commenced.
Qualification was a blink of an eye. King's wise move to hang out the washing to dry meant the kid was hungrier than the fat kid at school camp and he rampaged through the qualification period hitting ten from ten. And as of this morning and in accordance with the requirements of the constitution, all hurdles were cleared.
It is time.
It is time for the Random to lose his Randomness and enter The Kingdom of greatness. He has been cleansed of his sinful past and is poised for the King to yet again mold an athlete of greatness both in body and in mind.
This man once known as Jordy has absolutely everything it takes to be one of TKM's greats. He dishes the piss but more importantly he takes it. He respected Noize and now he worships it. He desperately wants to be a better rider and a better man and he knows who to listen to in order to achieve his ambitious desires.
It has been a long road traveled to get here and at times a painful but this man, beyond perhaps all others, has shown patience and acceptance and did so while at all times remaining calm when others would have snapped and given up.
So in TKM tradition the King summoned the Lords to discuss and appropriate Knighthood for The Kingdom's newest member. And as always the bunch of baboons came up with a seemingly unlimited amount of waffle and useless suggestions. That is other than the one diamond in the rough that absolutely nailed it and The King new the moment he heard it that it was right.
So what do we call this fine young man who has shown graciousness, acceptance, respect and above all patience yet he is wise and powerful and someone that will receive everything back that he has given even though he does not ask for it. His powers remain quietly within but it is obvious that those powers when chosen to be used are spiritual and almighty as if delivered from above. The King has clarity and is at ease with his final decision of wisdom.
From this point forward by the powers vested in The King by The King, I hereby declare that Random Jordy shall no longer be referred to by this sinful name given to him by his birth parents.
From herein he shall be known as The Monk!
...or more comely he shall be called Monky (Correct spelling) or any other name that Smax decides is relevant or irrelevant.
So now that the deed is done I ask that the Gates be opened! And we now allow The Monk to take those final few steps of his long journey to now enter into the Kingdom and enjoy all the joyous benefits that come along with being a fully-fledged Kingsmen. It is time to don the green.
I ask that you all join me in welcoming our newest member who shall be treated with the level of respect he has now earned.
Fvcking bravo and now let’s all have group sex to celebrate!
Photo: The Sherpa, The Monk and The Beaver