DONNA BUANG ITT & WARBURTON ROAD RACE

Last Sunday (May 4th)- shit weather. Perfect for sleeping in, watching Days of Our Lives in your jocks with the heater on 29 degrees, putting away several bottles of Red and reminiscing about the time you went off the front of Noize. THAT is if you are in the large majority of the population, or more specifically, if you are The King!

However, if you are born with nuts the size of watermelons and love nothing more than putting yourself, and others, in the locker, then The Mt Donna Buang ITT and Warburton Road race are just the medicine.

The Pimp, The Sherpa, The Beaver and The Candyman slid on the Green & Black and represented TKM up in the hills, where it was reported to be -2 at the top of Donna and just shitful all day.

Pimp and Sherpa raced the ITT in B-Grade and did TKM extremely proud in their skinsuits - 2nd and 3rd respectively, with times that would have pipped a couple in A grade. 

A goldfish could remember back to when Pimp was putting away beers and burgers at a rate far in excess of that displayed on his Garmin as 'calories burned'. He has since lost 16 kegs, won a cup and still puts out the sort of watts that makes SMAX say "HOLY HENDO, I'VE GOT A STIFFY!!" 

Sherpa is the greatest athlete TKM has ever seen. A natural machine that has no limits, except those imposed by the doona and the bottle. After spending the past 6 weeks at home on 'YouTube' (err....), he has popped out and smoked the ITT.

Well done to the guys on what was just a feral day, by all accounts. Everyone who raced up there is a bloody legend (and a bloody lunatic). Chapeau.

Then came the road race - Beaver and Pimp in B-Grade and Candyman in Masters C.....

After his success at Glenvale the week before, a MASSIVE STINKER at noize on Tuesday and an emotional 'EBB' for the next 3 days, Beaver was back and ready, in his favourite conditions (shithouse).

Beaver got himself in the break with one other fellow, they rolled turns without hesitiation all the way to the end - Beaver pulling up the hills and the other bloke drilling it on the flats and descents. A perfect duo that had beavez crying with a stiffy. It came down to a 2-man sprint and in a photo finish, Beaver was pipped on the line. A ripper performance by both of the guys in the break and helped by BIG PIMP in the bunch, keeping an eye on everyone and keeping them occupied as they watched his every move.

Looks like he got it to me!


In Masters, Candyman was representing and REPRESENT he did......let's hear from the man himself......

We hit the first climb. I found the pace pretty steady and felt comfortable the whole time. The guys who won Buller and Baw Baw were driving it hard at the front. We had roughly 30/40 in our group and by the top of the climb it was down to 7 of us. We did rolling turns until we hit the steeper but shorter climb. The guy who won Baw Baw hit the front and set a good tempo, I jumped on his wheel and felt comfortable again, legs felt good and HR was manageable. At the top of the climb we were down to 4 of us. We got organised and did rolling turns.

I realised the guys around me where whippets and didn't do noize! My legs felt good, my HR was tempo so each time i did a turn I pushed the pace up with the hope they would tire more than me. We had put a big gap into the group behind and it was going to come down to the four of us. I saw the 10km to go sign and pushed it even hard, instructing the guys to keep working together. We hit the 1km to go mark but found myself on the front...,shit...but then someone rolled over me...you bewdy. I sat second wheel and then when we hit the 100 m sign I launched the biggest of Kings and Eagles sprints and put a few bike lengths into them in the end.

It was awesome. Big stiffy. All because of TKM. Thank you all!