ver the years, TKM has a forged a rich history of taking in riders of questionable ability, particularly those who have overindulged on the cakes, and transforming them, mentally and physically, into weapons, on and off the bike.

Guys like The Smackie, The Greyhound, The Sherpa and The Pimp, to name only a few, are some of the Kingdom’s most impressive products.

Our latest intake (both within the last fortnight) are two superb additions to the engine room – The Brazilian and The Scream.

Only 1 week ago, The Scream was nothing more than a shy, overweight hubbard, not showing much promise, unless you have the blessing of a keen eye for untapped talent such as our King possesses.

Once nestled into the bosom of TKM, putty in the hands of our leader, changes instantly started to occur – on the first Day, the King gifted Screamer a win at SKCC A-Grade, just to help him realize the potential, once inside the Kingdom walls.

On the fourth day, the King had made further improvements, which resulted in Screamez driving the breakaway on several occasions, eventually sticking it, to win the HCC A-Grade at the Kew tear-drop.

Then only 4 days later and now formally inducted into TKM as “The Scream”, the King had further completed his first assignment and had prepared the young Screamer so that he was now ready to take on the rigours of the prestigious hard-man’s race, the Grafton to Inverell…..

We’ll now have a chat to the young Screamer to get his thoughts on the day.                                                                                                    

So, Scream, just to provide some context, it’s important to point out that you are yet to rank #1 at TKM Full Noize, so don’t get carried away blowing smoke up your own arse, as you’re still just a small fish in the Kingdom pond.

Can you tell us a bit about when and why you gave up the big boat of love and got on the bike?

Believe it or not, I was ridiculously skinny and pretty much not eating when I gave up lightweight rowing… my body just said no. I’m glad it did now, my life is all falling into place! Member of TKM, winning races, getting laid… Awesome!

Sounds just like The King, except for the winning races and getting laid parts.

Given your rowing background, did you find it easy to transition to the bike, from both a power perspective and preparation/recovery perspective?

I did a fair bit of cycling when I was rowing anyway, infact I did my first few Noize’s when I was still rowing and I have never been dropped by noize… guess rowing set me up pretty well!

What brought you down to TKM, and how did you find your time as a random?

I like going really fast on a bike, and my rowing coach told me there was a place I could do that without Hubbard’s, without anti-social cyclists and without dangerous riders. Perfect, I fell in love with Noize instantly. Time was tough as a random, yearning for acceptance and acknowledgement of my rolling ability. But of course I was invisible.

Too right you were. Random life is tough.

Now that you are a fully qualified knight of TKM, are you feeling the love, love that is only available to those in green?

I’m feeling so much love that I think some of the guys are going to crack onto me! It’s an awesome community and I immediately feel like a superstar.

There is a fair chance that Stealthy, King or any number of other sexual deviants in TKM will try to have their way with you at the Christmas party – they like the young ones, like Paddy.

Anyway, what about your name, The Scream? Better than Fat Kid, surely??

I actually like the name a lot, especially the bit where others “scream not only in pain but fear” from my presence on the bike… that’s the only bit I took from King’s intro.  He seems to talk a lot of shit but I guess I will start to understand and love it all the more now that I am on the inside.

Talk us through your wins at St Kilda and Hawthorn, only 4 days apart?

I only have one race strategy: Balls out. Just constantly attack until I’m the only one left, I guess I’m finally strong enough to pull it off, cause these are the only two A grade crits I’ve won! Must be the Green!

Too right it’s the green. Did that give you some good sensations heading in to Grafton?

Yeah confidence that I was healthy and strong, still had absolutely no idea I had a chance to win until I was in the last 500m with no one else in sight! Again being a King’s man must have magical powers.  Circumstance may have prevented me wearing the green kit on this occasion but it was green blood that was pumping through my veins as I crossed that line.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you don’t look like a sprinter, so getting in the break is top priority?

Yeah, I don’t have a great kick but I have a good whack whack in me to get away… plus I’m way too impatient to sit in and wait.

Seems like this tactic has paid off for you on more than one occasion, taking matters into your own hands?

Yeah, Balls out. It’s the only way.

You’re talking TKM talk already.  How did the race play out – talk us through it.

I was in every move right from the gun, including the one that actually got away, then we got out to 17 minutes gap as we rode up the hill. Thus I was in the break from 30km to 230km, big day!

The group was originally 9 but was whittled to 5 when me and Neil Van der Ploeg decided to work together and drop the guys sitting on and not rolling, this left us with an efficient group with everyone rolling.

I went through a big phase of feeling ordinary and hanging on for the entire middle of the race, until the last 20km when I started feeling good again. That’s until I started cramping massively with 5 ks to go!

I was riding with my hammies permanently in cramp and just ignored it (thus I could hardly walk come Monday!), so I put that behind me and put in a trio of attacks (still cramping) until they didn’t close the gap on me fully and I put in a second acceleration, they looked at each other, no one wanted to chase and I was free on the downhill run in to town (my favorite type of hill). Didn’t believe it right until the end. What a ridiculous Win!

That’s the way! Good on you guys for smoking the dirty snivellers. Good night nurse.

Given you are new to cycling and particularly, the NRS, were the more seasoned riders looking at you like some donkey who they could use and abuse, then pump out the arse when they felt like it?

Pretty much, apparently I’m referred to as the fat kid riding for AWS in the peloton. So now everyone got beat by the fat kid… BOOM!

They must have been thinking ‘WTF?!!’ when you dropped the hammer in the last 2kms and bid them goodbye?

Yeah, even I was thinking WTF!

How were the celebrations? Did you embrace the TKM culture and get nude?

Had a couple of beers at the local inverell pub. Didn’t get nude. Learnt a bit from Pearso, he was loose as.

Pearso, being an associate of TKM’s Rang Faction, knows how to party – as evidenced at last year’s TKM Christmas shindig. A solid mentor and has now agreed to pay TKM $150k for loaning you to the AWS team.

I can only assume the big teams have been in your ear? Did you tell them to get fvcked, as you are in TKM, and Full Noize is your number #1 priority?

Yeah, Orica Greenedge sent me an offer and I told them to get stuffed. Means I’d have to go to Europe and wouldn’t be able to do Noize.

Good to hear.  That a boy.