GORC 2014 SUN, WAVES & A SANDY VAG 18.10.2014

With the Sun rising over the pristine beaches of Lorne, the stage was set for a hot day of riding. The weather forecast from Laverton certainly suggested temperatures over 30C. This year’s GORC saw TKM enter 4 teams of 6 riders, all were toey as nuns at a women’s field hockey tournament. The 121km undulating course is a far cry from the flat weekly TKM rides of 22km from Mordialloc to St Kilda.

So how would they fair?
Who would blow like a hooker at Vegas?

The four teams comprised of;

Teh Engine Room : Teh Eagle, Teh Dozer, Teh Boxer, Teh Turtle, Teh Batter, Teh Fly.

Teh Vengabus : Teh Woodchopper, Teh Crack, Teh Rabbit, Teh Gypsy, Teh Doma, Teh Sub.

Teh Autobus : Teh King, Teh Farmer, Teh Goat, Teh Kid, Teh Skunk, Teh Biggle.

Teh Broomwagon : Teh Sherpa, Teh Brix, Teh Postie, Teh Ghost, Teh Rooboy, Teh Clinger.

Red hot favourites were the Engine Room, everyone at the GORC had resided themselves to race for 2nd, while others pulled out after learning of TKM’s all-star team. Think Harlam Globetrotters on bikes – if we can’t do it on a bike, it’s not worth doing.

With the Broomwagon hosting a flu-laden Sherpa, an ex-fatty, a recovering part-machine rider and even a rider who never rode over 100km!! The real battle and story of the day, no wait, of the weekend – no no – the MONTH, was the battle between the Vengabus and Autobus. Best of friends off the bikes, bitter rivals on. Email servers went into MELTDOWN as the trash talking began in earnest. 

The first team to go was the BROOMWAGON, the only TKM team travelling in the Clockwise direction. 

The next team up for launch was the much coveted  AUTOBUS, but did they have enough power to ascend the hills, they could certainly DESCEND.

Which links seamlessly with the VENGASBUS – on paper these guys were all perfect engines in TKM Noize train, but these were guys riding the EBB and FLOW wave like a rollercoaster stuck on loop. What would set them off? White not Raw sugar at the café? OR Someone wearing last season’s TKM socks?  Perhaps something innocuous, like a HILL TO DESCEND, would lose them the battle with Teh AUTOBUS?!!

The last team to leave was the red hot, dog’s rocket dick  TEH ENGINEROOM. All 6 riders choosing to ride traditional road bikes, so high was their confidence.

Out on the course, the hot weather never eventuated with mild to cool conditions and a few spots of spit. The AUTOBUS crossed the line 3rd on handicap with a scintillating time of 3hr 38mins. It felt fast, but more importantly looked sexy, the AUTOBUS rolled turns like a gangbang on Grandfinal night. Each person coming to the front and pounding the pedals for more. Everyone dug deep, poking and stroking their machine's into a heinous head/cross wind, for what would be a climacticle race along the Great Ocean Road to Lorne, 

A patient wait at the finish line by the AUTOBUS was rewarded when the time of the VENGABUS was issued at 3:40. The win by the AUTOBUS will go down as the great riding battle of TKM History, Grandparents will be telling the story for generations.

A few more minutes and the BROOMWAGON followed – then the ENGINEROOM. Their time of 3hrs 20mins was a new course record and good enough for 1st place, made all the more remarkable that it was done on road bikes.

So what happened to the VENGABUS – how could they’ve let themselves been beaten by the AUTOBUS. What happened? Who was the weakest link? Where did it happen…..  GET ME WOODROW.

Photos by Richard McDonnell